Water is life's mater and matrix, mother and medium. There is no life without water.”

Words so true have never been spoken. Sunday, I wake up with a chalky mouth and dry lips and figure "Hey why not go run for 45 minutes." I hadn't eaten a thing since 6pm Saturday and the last thing I drank was diet Snapple @ 11pm. So like a jackass, I think the small amount of H2O and toothpaste i consume is enough to get me through my first 45 minute run.

I'm all pysched, got my new running socks on not caring about the rain..listening to the Janet Jackson song "Feedback". Apparently, my gym is having some sort of pre summer registration kickoff event. There are tons of people milling around, food, juice and actual trainers with clipboards. Since I go at 5am I never see this kind of activity. Hell I didn't even know there were trainers. I walk into the cardio room and EVERY friggin treadmill is occupied. I'm mortified, because the machines that aren't occupied aren't working. I mutter, "Welcome to the Hood".

So, I'm seething at this point because I have no idea what to do with myself. I have enough energy to run this 45 minutes. Thats it! I don't want to do the elliptical, or stairmaster, I didn't come here for that. I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WANT IT NOW! There is an elderly gentleman on my fave treadmill( its the adjacent to the mirror, I can check my hair-uhm form) and I'm staring a hole in the back of the head. Dude, if looks could kill he'd be DOA. Then, I realized I'm being a pyscho, by stalking an old man and hop on the bike.

I start pedaling fast and hard next thign you know 12 minutes have passed and according to the machine..I'm well into 4miles. FUCK! I can feel that shit in my legs, and he decides to hop off the treadmill. I made a run for it, and cranked that baby up to 4.6. I'm running and happy..smiling away. Looking at myself in the mirror cooing "Hey sexy, your ass is incredible". But 4 minutes into my run, I'm sweating buckets. Like I can't stop sweating. It's in my eyes, pouring down my face, coming out my ears, rolling down my back. Your elbows can sweat? Who knew! I'm friggin drenched!

I had to devise a new way of running. I like to call it the run and wipe. I couldn't keep my arms up and at my sides because I had to keep wiping the sweat. By the time I hit 15 minutes, I was sweating like a water sprinkler. The guy next to me was bathing in my sweat. I super soaked him. I was super exhausted and my body was cursing me. I held on for another 5 minutes before all of a sudden this wall appeared before me and I just ran right into it.

I could not move anymore, I felt dizzy and wanted to lie down. I stopped immediately, put on my coat and crawled home. Once I got home I guzzled 32 oz. of water, (much to the dismay of my tiny bladder) stretched and made a meal. I felt much better. I learned a valuable lesson... hydration and fuel are imperative or else you will look like a sweaty jackass and when you pass out no one will give you mouth to mouth because you look like you smell.